The sexual desire of women and why is not recognized by men mostly
Women's sexual desire varies
We have learned a lot about women's sexual desire in the
last few decades.
In the past, when sex scientists were predominantly male, libido
- or "libido" - was thought to resemble some kind of hydraulic
pressure in the body. Like the pressure that most young people feel when they
need to ejaculate.
But the hydraulic model does not fit the realities of sexual
desire for most women. Most women need a reason to have sex. Otherwise, they
may go for a long time without feeling desire.
Men need a reason to have sex, too. But for most men, the
reason can be as simple as taking your partner off his shirt.
Most men's minds tend to say "yes" to sex. While
most minds of women tend to say "maybe" or "depends".
As a remedy for sex, when a straight couple comes to see me
because they don't have sex, the male partner still always masturbates
regularly. Women often stop masturbating, or rarely do so.
In the absence of pathological sex, it is as if a woman's
libido has just grown. Like a screen saver on an old desktop computer, a
woman's libido system often stays in "sleep mode" until someone moves
the mouse.
Sexual desire for women and the definition of good sex.
Of course, this leaves open the question of what good sex
is, right? People have widely different views, of course.
But after discussing the subject with hundreds of people
over the years, I think most people's perceptions of good sex will involve
authentic excitement - not just hard or wet.
As I discussed in my article, Sex Tips for Married Lovers,
real excitement requires more than hardness or wetness. By my definition, you
don't really get angry unless you lose a lot of IQ.
The true authentic excitement should make you feel good
about yourself. Good for your partner too - in a preliminary way just saying
"Yes, these are the things I love!" Otherwise, your mind can easily
go into screensaver mode, and libido can stop completely.
But many couples do not know how to recognize authentic
sexual arousal. They think if they are tough or wet, they are ready to have
sex. This leads to a lot of bad sex, as the hardness and humidity are not
enough to move the mouse.
You can not feed the desire for bad sex. Only good sex can
nourish the desire for a committed relationship.
Clear, huh? You'd be surprised. Many of the couples I see in
my office never bothered to think about those simple facts.
How to confuse women's sexual desire among men
As a sexual remedy, I noticed that the sexual desire of
heterosexual women sometimes confuses men. They are completely missed.
Here's why: Many women don't just want to have sex. They
want to feel desirable first.
If a woman does not feel like it, the sex itself may not
seem very attractive.
Wait, you say. Doesn't everyone know how important most
women feel?
You'd be surprised. I see many men in my office who have no
idea how important this is to women's sexual desire.
Now here's something that I find baffling most men: for a
sense of desire, a woman may sometimes turn away from her partner - hoping to
run after her.
This is very strange for the average male mind that few men
understand at all.
When talking to men in my office, I often cross species
lines and explain the following example:
What men can learn from the sexual behavior of mice
I once attended a sex therapy conference where researcher
Jim Pfoss showed videos of rats having sex. The most interesting part turns out
to be foreplay.
By human standards, all male mice are ejaculating devices -
so the sex of mice is usually short-lived. But foreplay mice can last for a
long time.
Here are the typical rat caresses:
The female rat acts in front of the male rat, gets his
attention, and then throws. With any luck, he will be interested enough to
chase her. He may chase her around the cage for a long time, before she finally
lets him get it.
Female mice tend to prolong all this. More than one sex
researcher has questioned whether mice have more of this strange type of
foreplay than actual sex.
Many people have noticed that the whole thing is
suspiciously similar to what sometimes happens during sexual intermarriage
between sexes: how a woman's sexual desire often looks like her pleasure when
stalking as much as afterwards.
Juego and women's libido
Now, of course, there are exceptions. There are also
exceptions to every generalization you may make about sex and sex. There is a
great deal of diversity in human mating. In an article in PsychologyToday, I
discussed the fact that some men have an unusually strong yearning to be
desirable as well.
But the fact that many women 's libido can manifest through
the desire to escape usually causes a lot of harm in heterosexual couples. So
it is extremely important to understand a man.
My colleague Esther Pearl describes one of her
Spanish-speaking customers playing a game called Jojo. To play this game, the
first thing is to make yourself out of reach. If your partner responds by
following you, you win the game.
For many men, the hardest thing about playing
"Juego" is the realization of a game that rotates in the first place.
Many men will receive the absence of their partner with
neglect of the shoulders and go on to do something else - which of course
defeats the whole purpose. Then they were surprised to be angry or frustrated.
Take a message to the house: If you're in a committed
relationship, be careful when you're away. If this happens, consider the
possibility that this is a manifestation of her desire - and this is like a
female rat, you might hope to start a chase.
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